It wasn’t the kind of deal where everyone gets rich. But, Shopcaster lives on, providing an amazing service to indy-retailers and consumers alike. So, I’m okay with it. Really, I am.
The day the last of the papers were signed, my partner and I jetted off for two weeks in Cambodia. We rode in a tuk-tuk or two, flew in a helicopter over Angkor Wat, watched monks frolicking in a sacred waterfall and spent a few days on a private island in the Gulf of Thailand.
It was awesome.
But now I’m home, and after an initial rush of “I’m freeeeeeeee!”, I admit to finding myself rather lost.
Being CEO of a start-up was all encompassing, occupying 90% of my thoughts for close to two years. It’s unnerving to have it all just stop. I miss building something. I miss being in New York all the time. I even miss the painful day-to-day struggle that began to hurt so good. I still compulsively check my email every 15 minutes, but no one has anything to tell me. Nor do they need me to tell them anything. I found myself writing to the new owners alerting them to some tasks they need to complete before the end of the year. They wrote back, kindly advising me that they’re already on it.
I don’t know how to not worry about Shopcaster.
This is not a place I expected to find myself at 42 years old. I’ve always been driven, always planning two or three steps ahead knowing exactly what was next.
Not this time. This time, I’ve decided to take my time. I want to learn to code (hello Codeacademy!) and to speak Spanish. I could stand to lose 20 pounds or so (hello gym!). I want to go vegan (hello seitan!). I want to write more. Oh, and meditation! Gotta do more of that.
I’ve never followed a traditional path. At 16, when my parents moved to a new city, I decided to stay put, got a place with two older siblings and paid the rent with a part-time retail job. Eventually, I dropped out of high school because it interfered with my job and frankly, it was boring. I earned my diploma by correspondence which was much more my speed (three years of French in three months - woo hoo!). Got married at 19, divorced at 26.
At university, I ran the student consulting program for three years. In the corporate world, I gravitated to new ventures and product development. I launched a national celebrity magazine and four websites and was the youngest woman to become a VP at Canada’s largest newspaper. I’ve run two start-ups. I’ve had spectacular failures and great successes.
But for some reason, being okay with not knowing what’s next feels like the most audacious thing I’ve ever done.
The true gift of running Shopcaster was discovering a depth of courage I never knew I had. It’s time to put it to the test. This time, for me.
Wish me luck.